Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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