ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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