If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
