my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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