Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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