and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
