Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize