i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
