If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
