Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
