If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
