Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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