New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
