Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
