I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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