I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
