do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
