We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize