wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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