Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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