god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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