I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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