You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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