i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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