I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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