Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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