This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
