so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
