i just wanna soil my oats bro
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Fuck appropriateness.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
