I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
