Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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