The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You can't motorboat a personality
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
