Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
