4 words: hood of his car
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
