I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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