wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
