If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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