just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
