I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
