What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
