my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
