If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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