I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
