Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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