You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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