Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
