I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
