some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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