there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
