I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just invented taco cereal.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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