Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
