the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
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