And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize