so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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