At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
