when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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