I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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