i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
