She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
