No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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