I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
