Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
