God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Randomize
