do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
