Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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