my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
