i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
