Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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