How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
you never un-have a 4some
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
