So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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