Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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