Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
