thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
