I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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