I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
