how can u be prego again
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
