No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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