Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
