im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
