I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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