Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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