did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
