i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
