I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
3 2 1 whiskey
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
