There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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