You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
