My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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