I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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