Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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