"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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