Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i think i have herpe
just one?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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