Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
